My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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