you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
