Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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