I'm going to jail i love you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
