please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
