I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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