no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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