dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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