I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
