UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
