i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Duck Duck Cougar?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
