went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
