I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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