i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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