chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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