Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
