if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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