Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
