don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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