oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
