if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
