so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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