i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
