remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
