Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
