You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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