If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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