Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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