The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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