He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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