Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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