Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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