summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
