WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
