You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
