OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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