Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
