I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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