Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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