I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
