i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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