pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
