if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
