She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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