drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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