Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
love makes seman taste better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
