She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
