I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
