she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
