ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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