Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
