drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
