i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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