I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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