this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
