Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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