I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
