tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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