I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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