i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
