i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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