He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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