the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hippo gnu deer
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
