but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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