I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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