Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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