Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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