So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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