Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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