I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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