His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
