I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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