i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
