I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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