Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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