u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
