god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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