I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
