man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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